I know it has been a while since I have posted anything I honestly don't know why. Well, we survived our "first" holiday season better than I thought that we would. We still have the cafe running and we will soon be working on "The Jim Taylor Memorial Cookin' for a Cause". Hopefully we can get it up and running. It has just been a little of 4 months since Jim has been gone, yet the void in our hearts is still there. Hopefully 2011 will be a better year. I am thankful for a few things in 2010. I am thankful for the time that we all had with Jim that is something that can never be taken away from us. The memories that we had with him are worth a lifetime. Hopefully I will get better at this posting thing so that we can stay in touch.

Sometimes time seems to be standing still, I can't quite find enough to do to make it go faster. Camerons birthday is this week, hopefully we will make it through this one and then only have 4 more "firsts". We will cross that bridge when it gets here. I made one of Jim's favorites for dinner last night. Chicken fried steak and fried potatos, I told Beau and Zac that we should take some out to the cemetary when we were done, but they weren't into that ida that much. I guess they just don't understand how much Jim would have loved it. Oh well, maybe next time. We will be doing the cooking for a cause again this year. Hopefully it turns out as well as Jim's did. (fingers crossed) Please continue to pray for my children guidance is what I ask you to pray for them. Well off to work again more later..

So I went to the grief meeting, now I am not so sure that I am ready for that. I will give it one more try and see if I feel better about it after this week. We got a present Sunday, several months ago Jim had lost his wedding ring from losing so much weight. We really hadn't much time to look for it with everything going on and happening so fast. The week before he passed away, I went and bought him a new one, which I had planned on doing any way, because I wanted to get him one that matched mine. As I was getting ready for church on Sunday I was sitting in my bathroom thinking, man I really need to clean out from under my bed I will probably find Jim's ring under there. What made me think of it was one of his shoe's was there and I could see it. About 3 minutes later Zac came running upstairs and was like mom guess what I just found? Low and behold in the hall way by Cameron's bedroom door Jim's ring was there on top of the carpet. Amazing is all I can say. Just wanted to share my little ray of sunshine with you all. :)

Today was a little hard, it was the first time in about 14 years that I have not been able to celebrate my birthday with Jim. Beau cooked dinner for us this evening, my parents came over for Zac's football game and we all went out for lunch together. My heart aches for my children everytime I look at them I see a little bit of Jim in each of them. Sometimes I just don't know how we are going to make it through the next day but we do. We went to church last Sunday it was the first time we had been since Jim left us. Needless to say I think it was one of the hardest things for me. I cried because all I could think about was all the times we had sat there as a family. I still feel like this is just a horrible dream that I can't wake up from, but when I do everything is going to be back to normal. I don't know if this is my way with dealing or if it is a part of my grieving process. I am going to go to a "group" meeting Thursday night for grief support. One of my friends from work is going to be going with me. She has been before and said that it helped her alot. I know I don't get on here much never really did. I don't even know if anybody is still reading. I do get on here though when I need to let my feelings out. It helps to write everything down. Well I am going to try to get some sleep....good luck with that. It doesn't always come to me oh well one day it will.

You know people have told me that it gets easier as time goes on. But I just am having a hard time seeing this. So I have to ask myself have the people that say this ever been through what my family and myself are going through? It has been 4 weeks today since I lost one of the most important things in my life. Sometimes I just don't know if my family and my self are coping well or even if we are coping at all. Thank you all for your kind words and continued prayers it means so much. I sometimes feel like we are just living a dream and we are all going to wake up in the morning and everything is going to be back to normal. It has been easier being back at work, but sometimes I just kind of sit there and feel like I am on the outside looking in. I do belive that my kids and myself have found some comfort in leaving messages to Jim on his facebook.

Gone but not Forgotten

I want to start out by saying Thank you to everyone one for everything you have done over the last few months. Jim loved each and everyone of you. As many of you know Jim left us to go home on Friday August 20th. He put up a good fight until the very end. He is loved and will be missed by all. Services will be Monday August 23rd at the 1st Babtist Church in Guymon at 2pm. Once again thank you for everything you have done for Jim.
Love
Kim, Beau, Cameron, Lauren, Zac, & Madelyn

Thankful

Today I am thankful for all of our friends and family, with out you all I am not sure we would be were we are today. Thanks for my brother in law Jim's brother Frank for coming down this weekend and sitting with Jim while I worked today. Big Thanks to my sister in law Judy Jim's sister who sits with him on a daily basis taking away from her own things. You have been such a big help with everything and you don't even know how much we appreciate it. Lauren has also been staying with Jim during the day when he is home and I appreciate that as well, I am sure that Jim is enjoying spending that time with his one and only baby girl. John my other brother in law one of Jim's other many brothers is also a big help with the restaurant and keeping on top of things there as well as coming and getting Zac and letting him swim at his house. While Bill was here he was a great help, trimming all of our trees and making sure the yard and everything was picked up. Also to Dondie my best friend thanks for everything you do, thanks for sitting with Jim this afternoon while I worked and for being our "support" group. My whole family loves each and everyone of you and hopefully we have not left anybody out. I do ask that you please continue to pray for Kaci Ronne as the news they recently received was not what they wanted to hear. If I have left anyone out of the thanks, I really didn't mean too, it is late and I am getting tired. We appreciate everything that everyone has done. God bless you all. I didn't mean to write so much I just had a lot of thank you's to do. Love you all.

Jim, Kim, Beau, Cameron, Lauren, Zac & Madelyn