Today was a little hard, it was the first time in about 14 years that I have not been able to celebrate my birthday with Jim. Beau cooked dinner for us this evening, my parents came over for Zac's football game and we all went out for lunch together. My heart aches for my children everytime I look at them I see a little bit of Jim in each of them. Sometimes I just don't know how we are going to make it through the next day but we do. We went to church last Sunday it was the first time we had been since Jim left us. Needless to say I think it was one of the hardest things for me. I cried because all I could think about was all the times we had sat there as a family. I still feel like this is just a horrible dream that I can't wake up from, but when I do everything is going to be back to normal. I don't know if this is my way with dealing or if it is a part of my grieving process. I am going to go to a "group" meeting Thursday night for grief support. One of my friends from work is going to be going with me. She has been before and said that it helped her alot. I know I don't get on here much never really did. I don't even know if anybody is still reading. I do get on here though when I need to let my feelings out. It helps to write everything down. Well I am going to try to get some sleep....good luck with that. It doesn't always come to me oh well one day it will.

You know people have told me that it gets easier as time goes on. But I just am having a hard time seeing this. So I have to ask myself have the people that say this ever been through what my family and myself are going through? It has been 4 weeks today since I lost one of the most important things in my life. Sometimes I just don't know if my family and my self are coping well or even if we are coping at all. Thank you all for your kind words and continued prayers it means so much. I sometimes feel like we are just living a dream and we are all going to wake up in the morning and everything is going to be back to normal. It has been easier being back at work, but sometimes I just kind of sit there and feel like I am on the outside looking in. I do belive that my kids and myself have found some comfort in leaving messages to Jim on his facebook.